What a difference time makes

2020: I turned 44 last month and as I re-read this old blog post (via Facebook), I realize that a lot has changed since 2011.

2011: I just turned 35 last week and am amazed how different my perspectives in life have changed in 10 years.

When it came to pregnancy:

At age 25, I thought, "Glad it's NOT me! I sure don't want to gain weight and get more ugly stretch marks."

Now at 35, I think, "I cannot wait to have a bundle of joy to hold in my arms. It's only a matter of waiting for the right man to marry."

Today at 44, “I’m undecided. If it’s meant to happen, great. But, if it doesn’t, I’m still fine.”

Babies and children:

At 25, I thought babies and children were cute as long as they belonged to someone else. After spending time with them, I was worn out and relieved to be away from them. Besides, my dog was my baby.

Now at 35, I love helping out in the nursery and the children's ministry at church. Even after spending a few hours with active children, I still long for some of my own.

Today at 44, I still help in the nursery at Celebrate Recovery. I enjoy being around kids, especially babies for a while, then I’m happy to send them back to their parents.

Marriage:

At 25, I was in a lousy one and tried to make the most of it. Eventually I got divorced.

Now at 35, I've had plenty of time to reflect and learn from my past. With the good old biological clock ticking, I am ready to take another chance at love.

Today at 44, I would like to get married if it’s God’s will for me. After experiencing a broken engagement 2 years ago and a recent disappointment in the relationship department, I don’t feel any rush to get to the altar.

Independence:

At 25, I enjoyed my freedom of living away from home.

Now at 35, I love living with my parents. This season in my life gives me the opportunity to save money for the future. Plus, I am learning how to live with people which will prepare me for marriage.

Today at 44, I still live with my widowed mother. Sometimes, I feel like she treats me like I’m 14 instead of 44. When the time is right, I think I might want to live alone again.

Plans:

At 25, my main goal in life was to either make my marriage work or get out of it.

Now at 35, I have already been there and done that with a career as a hairdresser and got my associate's degree in library science. I am not certain what I want to do in the sense of career plans and have learned to stop trying to figure everything out at once.

Today at 44, I have a bachelor’s degree in English literature which I got almost 4 years ago. For the last 2 years, I have worked as a writing tutor at my local community college, but got temporarily laid off 3 months ago due to COVID-19 pandemic. I am not stressing about the unforeseeable future. Right now, I’m just waiting to get a job, whether it’s my current one and/or another job.

Success:

At 25, being a success meant being married and having an established career.

Now at 35, I have neither one of these things and that is okay. Being successful means doing what God has called me to do at this particular moment.

Today at 44, the world’s meaning of success is not the same as God’s idea of success. What I’m more focused on is doing what God wants me to do and taking it one step at a time. I don’t care about success just as long as I’ve got money saved up for the future.

Regrets:

At 25, I regretted a lot of things such as getting married to the wrong person, not dating more before getting married, saying and doing the wrong things, etc.

Now at 35, life is too short for regrets. Looking back on my life, I do not regret anything because if it wasn't for my failures in life, I would not be where I am now at.

Now at 44, I don’t have time to concern myself with regrets. Whatever mistakes I’ve made, they’re just lessons.

Settling down:

At 25, I was not sure what that meant. I just settled for what I could have at that moment even if I was not happy or sure about it.

Now at 35, I feel that I am settling down in life even if I am still single and only work part-time. Settling down means keeping things in perspective and not feeling rushed for certain things to happen.

Today at 44, I still don’t know if I’m there. I haven’t settled down with someone or settled into a full-time career. Yet, I’m not travelling the world or living out of a suitcase. I’ve lived in the same house for the last 13 years.

Physical health:

At 25, I wanted to be thinner and still eat my cake. Unfortunately, I turned to bulimia so I could try to keep my weight down while being able to eat the junk that I wanted.

Now at 35, I have learned that in order to stay healthy, I have to make sacrifices by not eating bad food except occasionally and making sure to exercise almost daily. I have also realized to stay away from some foods that don't agree with me and not eat so much at one time. And definitely no late-night food feasts!

Today at 44, I’ve been on a gluten-free diet for 6 ½ years and try my best to eat healthier. I don’t believe in following a specific diet (Keto, low carb, etc.). I try to watch my portions and exercise a lot, sometimes twice a day depending on my mood. I don’t believe in counting calories I burn or take in because for me, that can lead to obsessive behaviors I don’t want to return to.

Insecurity:

At 25, I was more insecure about what others thought of me and if what I did was good enough to please everyone in my life.

Now at 35, I don't care as much. I cannot please all the people all the time. What matters is that God is pleased with my thoughts and actions.

Today at 44, I acknowledge that I do struggle with some insecurities, but I try not to dwell on them. Instead, I try to focus more on what God says about me.

My relationship with God:

At 25, my relationship with God took a back seat to my marriage, my career, and busyness of life.

Now at 35, my relationship with God is more important than the ideal career and other things in life. In fact, I try my best to put God first in everything I do.

Today at 44, my relationship with God is #1.

Small town life:

At 25, I lived in the Phoenix area and could not imagine living in a smaller town again. I thought small town people were small minded and had no sense of adventure.

Now at 35, I got big city life out of my system and enjoy the peacefulness of living in a smaller town. It doesn't matter where you live, it's what you do that makes life adventurous.

Today at 44, I still live in a fairly small town and don’t have any desire to live in a large city.

Family:

At 25, I lived away from my parents but lived near a lot of extended family and also had in-laws. Sure, being around family was important to me.

Now at 35, if I am not near my family then I don't feel there is much purpose for me to do the things I do. It may be fun to go away on trips and do adventurous things every now and then, but if I don't have my parents to share these things with those adventures don't mean much to me.

Besides life is short. Who know how long I will have my parents, so I will enjoy the time I have with them.

Today at 44, family is still important to me. My dad has been gone over 7 years now, so I feel it’s important for me to stay where I’m at so Mom is not alone. If something were to happen to her and I’m still single, I may consider moving where I have family.

Hard to believe that when my mom was 35, I was 13. Right now (in 2011), I cannot imagine having a 13-year-old. When Mom was 44, I was 22. It just doesn’t seem possible for me to be old enough to have an adult child.

Funny how much life changes in 10 years and 9 years after that.

10 years ago: I drive a different vehicle, live in a different place, have a different job, have a different dog, go to a different church, and look different. One thing that has not changed is that I still have a lot of the same friends that I have had for many years and I am so grateful to have them in my life. I love you all!

Today at 44, I drive a different vehicle, have a different job, a different dog, and go to a different church, but I still live in the same place and look mostly the same as I did at 35. What has not changed is that I still have a relationship with God and have a lot of the same friends I had 9 years ago.