I will survive again...

Being laid off from work, no usual activities or social events to attend, and stuck at home for three weeks has caused me to struggle with anxiety and depression again. While going through a rough season, it’s easy to forget there have been other rough seasons (some much harder) in the past. A few days ago, I remembered that I’ve experienced much worse than not being able to work or go places or see friends.

I’ve survived worse bouts of depression and anxiety. I’ve survived an abusive marriage which I left 18 years ago. I’ve survived some jobs from hell. I’ve survived the loss of a parent seven years ago. I’ve survived the loss of two fur babies. I’ve survived my struggles with singleness and a broken engagement. The saying “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” does ring true in this rough season. I cannot imagine going through those rougher times again. I said to a friend, “I’d rather go through forced quarantine again than that abusive relationship from my past.”

Maybe, this quarantine or lockdown thing (whatever you want to call it) isn’t so bad. At least, I’m not living alone and I have my dog, my walking companion. I’m not out of a job permanently. Someday in the very near future, I will return to my job. I’ll get to see people (other than my mother) again and attend church again. Right now, everything feels so uncertain and at times, I’m begging Jesus to please return soon! The hopes and dreams I’ve had for my future just don’t seem as important right now. All I must do is try to be positive and trust God in this storm one day at a time and one moment at a time. This time, I don't feel alone because everyone in the world is somehow affected by COVID-19 pandemic. During the rougher times I mentioned earlier, I felt alone while I was in the midst of them.

Here is the perfect verse to meditate on during this trying time: Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us (Romans 8:37).