Isn’t It Romantic: My take on Rom-Coms
Yesterday afternoon on $5 day at the theater, I decided to see the anti-romantic chick flick Isn’t It Romantic starring Australian actress Rebel Wilson (love her as Fat Amy in the Pitch Perfect trilogy). The timing of this film’s release could not be any more perfect.
Just like Wilson’s character Natalie, I feel disenchanted with romance. Last August, I faced a broken engagement. At first, I felt devastated because after having been single for 15 years, I thought I finally found the right man. Then my world came crashing down on me. What if he was my last shot at love? I’m over 40 and hadn’t had much luck in the romance department like Natalie (whose character is probably around 35). I felt as though this fictional character and I were like kindred spirits. The way she talked about her disgust for rom-com movies is almost similar to my view on cheesy Hallmark TV movies. Natalie’s friend and assistant, Whitney (a hopeless romantic who spends her entire work day watching rom-coms such as The Wedding Singer) comments, “You know, she’s [referring to Natalie] just, uh, she hates happy endings.”
I just love Natalie’s comeback: “Because it’s not the end. They stop it there because what happens next is, like, really [crap], and nobody will wanna see that.” She is totally spot on about that. Has anyone ever noticed how princess fairy tales (mainly made by Disney), rom-com movies, and romance novels end at “happily-ever-after?” Exactly, what does “happily-ever-after” really mean? These generic story lines consist of boy-meets-girl, conflict ensues (usually in the form of some adversary—maybe an evil stepmother, an ex-lover, or the heroine is in some kind of danger), the lovers are either in conflict with each other or not yet lovers, and somehow the story line ends with boy-wins-girl and they either kiss passionately (How can first kisses look totally perfect?) and/or ride off into the sunset. So what happens after happily-ever-after?
I cannot say, because I haven’t been there before even though I was once married during my twenties and recently broke up with my fiancé (now we are just friends). Happily-ever-after does not mean a life free from conflict and chaos. When the story ends at just that, we don’t know what happens after the main characters get married or if they get married. Does the relationship last? If the relationship still stands the test of time, is this due to the couple constantly working together to keep the love going or are they just easily and always in love without having to work at it?
I think these happily-ever-after stories do an injustice to young people as well as people around my age and older because they are not realistic. I’m sure some of you reading this may think I’m a cynic when it comes to love and happy endings. Maybe, I am to some extent, but I’ve got to be realistic here just like Natalie. Love takes work. Read 1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible and you will know what I’m talking about. Love is more than a warm, gooey feeling; love is an action. For some people, love begins with feelings because there is the whole love-at-first-sight thing. Though, I don’t really believe in it (maybe because it just hasn’t happened for me), I know that it exists with others. Take my grandparents who have been married since 1953. When Grandpa first laid eyes on Grandma, he knew she was the one for him and to this day, his love for her is stronger than ever. No, their life was not always easy. They started out with little money and my mom was born about ten months after their wedding day. My grandpa was always the financial breadwinner while my grandma stayed at home to raise four children. They never did without and always had the love and support of extended family. Throughout most of my grandparents’ marriage, my great-grandmother lived nearby. She was not the easiest person to deal with and my grandpa (Great-Grandma’s son-in-law) was an excellent sport about the whole thing.
Another thing I totally hate about the whole love-at-first-sight thing is how can you know you’re truly in love with someone you barely know? Natalie reminds her friend Josh about that. When she is trapped in a rom-com world, Josh quickly falls for someone (she happens to be the gorgeous model on a poster in Natalie’s cubicle area) after giving her the Heimlich.
“I ran up to her, gave her the Heimlich, and then she gave me her heart,” Josh tells Natalie.
“That’s gross,” she responds, which makes me laugh. Within a day or two of being in this alternate universe, Josh and this gorgeous model (who’s a yoga ambassador) plan to marry. Natalie feels frustrated and reminds Josh that he barely knows this woman. “Shouldn’t you marry your best friend? Someone who knows you well?” she asks him. Maybe, knowing someone for a certain period of time (preferably six months or more) is the best indicator in discerning whether they are someone you want to marry. My grandparents married six months after they met and are still going strong 65 years later. I just don’t believe people should expect to fall in love with someone they barely met and think everything is always going to be a bed of soft rose petals.
You can know someone for a lengthy period of time before ever realizing they are the right person for you. That could be the case for me or maybe, I could fall in love with someone at first sight. Who knows? Instead of looking to fairy tales, rom-coms, and romance novels as my guides to finding and obtaining love, I choose to focus on my relationship with God by reading and meditating on His Word (the Bible). However, I don’t want to hate on rom-coms. I can enjoy watching them without getting caught up in some of the unrealistic tendencies found in them. BTW (By the way), I love The Wedding Singer!
