#YouAreEnough30 Blog Challenge: Days 27-30
Whew! I am so happy to say that I have completed a challenge this November: author Mandy Hale's 30-day blogging challenge which she took from her book, You are Enough. I feel that I have grown as I read her book and examined my life by answering her questions in the form of a blog. Here are the last 4 days of this challenge:
Day 27: In Chapter Twenty, I talk about how I finally learned to “Let It Be.” Talk about what these three words mean to you. What does “letting it be” look like? How do you practice just “letting it be”?
November 27: My former counselor R often said, “Let it be” any time I was on the verge of crying and/or frustrated about my life. I knew he meant, “Don’t fight your feelings. Go with them” and “Go with the flow of your life.” Right now, I’m in a place of “letting it be.”
Three months ago, my ex-fiance and I broke up. Here I am at 42 and almost close to getting married, then things just don’t work out. If I ever want to remarry and hopefully have a family, wouldn’t now be the time to do it? While I still have eggs left? A part of me just wants to give up and resign myself to lifelong singleness and celibacy. Though it’s not always fun, at least my life is a lot less stressful. On the other hand, I want someone to share my life with whether we ever have children (biological or adopted), I’m just a stepmother, and/or it’s just us and fur babies.
At this point, I don’t know what direction my life is heading. I realize that I cannot try to figure everything out right now. I’m trying to go with life’s flow and just see where God wants me. I’m a bit disappointed that my life isn’t what I had hoped it would be, yet I’m grateful that I am where I am and doing what I’m doing right now. I still have God and many other things in my life to be thankful for. Without realizing it, I am practicing just “letting it be” by not worrying about my future because God has my future in His hands.
Currently, I’m experiencing another “let it be” circumstance which feels crappy at the moment. The night before Thanksgiving, the plumbing went kaput. To make a long story short, it has been over a week since Mom and I have been without the use of a decent toilet, shower, or washing machine. It’s so frustrating, yet I’m learning what it means to “let it be.” That doesn’t mean NOT taking action because Mom has called to get our situation fixed. People have offered to let us use their shower and do laundry at their place. I have been taking advantage of public restrooms and staying at work or somewhere with working plumbing as long as possible. It’s no fun being in a house that smells like poop. We don’t know how long the process of digging up the yard to find our septic or cesspool system will take. In the meantime, Mom has considered renting a port-a-potty. As much as I am fed up with this “let it be” moment, I know that this too will pass and the only thing I can change is my attitude.
Day 28: Also, in Chapter Twenty, I talk about what my own “Happy Ending” looks like now, after everything I’ve learned. What does YOUR Happy Ending look like? In love and in life?
November 28: My happy ending will be when I get to Heaven. Just read the Book of Revelation and you will know what I mean. In Heaven, I will live with God, He will wipe away every tear, there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain (Revelation 21:4). How much more of a happy ending can you get than that? Plus, I will be reunited with my loved ones who are in Heaven. There will be no more calories in the food. I will never get sick. Oh, there’s just so many great things to look forward to in Heaven, but meanwhile I just have to make the most of this life on Earth.
I don’t believe in happy endings on this earth because an ending means it’s over and done with. Life is never complete until we leave this earth. I prefer to say, “Happy beginning” or “happy continuing.” Happy endings belong in fairy tales, books, and movies because the words on the pages or the filming of a movie comes to an end. The dishes are never finished, the housework is never done, and the bills are never paid because you have more dishes to wash, more housework to do, and more bills to pay.
Do not even ask me about a happy ending in love because endings in relationships mean goodbye or “Let’s just be friends.” Though a happy ending in love means the end of being single which leads to a happy beginning and hopefully a happy continuation in marriage. So, maybe I might believe in a happy ending when it comes to love. Just not right now.
Day 29: In the epilogue, I talk about how the journey to “enough-ness” is never complete. Talk about your own journey to enough-ness, and how you’ve learned to embrace who you are, flaws and all.
November 29: My journey to enough-ness started the day I was born over 42 years ago. I never really thought about whether I was enough until my teen years when J broke my heart. I came to believe that the only way I would ever be considered enough was when I found the right man to love me, I was thin enough, pretty enough, had a “real” career, and had children. Well, most of those things have not happened for me so I have decided not to dwell on not having them. Society tells us, especially women, that the only way we’re complete is by “having it all.” I don’t recall hearing that you have to “have it all AT ONCE.”
As a child of God, I am enough because of my savior who is more than enough. His grace is sufficient for me and His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9) which tells me that in spite of my flaws, I am enough. I don’t need to perform myself to perfection or try to achieve everything on this earth to make myself more valuable. I am who I am, and I will only change unless God calls me to do so. I am not going to pile on the makeup to get a man to notice me. I’m not going to chase after things and try to force things to happen because it’s up to God what He wants for me and what He wants to happen. I don’t care anymore if others around me don’t think I’m enough. I don’t need the man, the children, the career, or the perfect body to prove that I am enough. I don’t need to prove anything to anyone and I won’t anymore. I just want to be who God created me to be. Mostly make-up free with a house full of books me!
Day 30: The book is called, You Are Enough: Heartbreak, Healing, and Becoming Whole. Which one are you? Talk about which phase you’re in right now – heartbreak, healing, or becoming whole – and the biggest thing you’ve learned about yourself in this season.
November 30: During this season, I’ve gone from heartbreak to healing and finally feeling that I’m enough which is part of being whole. 2018 started out great for me and I believed my dreams were finally coming true after praying for them to pass for so many years.
Well, these dreams did not come true in the way I wanted them to. I didn’t get married like I had hoped to and even came close to doing so. Max, my fur baby of nearly nine years, passed away in March at 10 ½ years of age. I was rear-ended in a car accident, but was not injured and my car was repaired. A few weeks after my broken engagement, I adopted a dog from the shelter but nearly two months later, I had to surrender her. She kept jumping over the fence and my mother and I didn’t know what else to do. During the week of Thanksgiving, our plumbing went kaput, but it’s really the septic system or cesspool that is the problem. So being without decent plumbing has been tough, but there are far worse things in life.
In spite of these crises in 2018 and feeling like I had a Job (God tested his patience) kind of year, I know God has greater blessings for me around the corner. Maybe I need to look harder for these blessings. I gave Max a great home full of love and happiness for most of his life (he was two when I adopted him). Even though my engagement did not work out, my ex told me that I was the best relationship he ever had. He was the best relationship I ever had as well. We hung out on Thanksgiving Day and I am so grateful that we can be friends. I gave Millie a loving home for almost two months and even though it was very heartbreaking for me, giving her back was probably for the best. Though I don’t know the details of her whereabouts, I hope that she found another loving home where she has more space to run (preferably on a farm or ranch) and maybe became a hunting buddy to someone. The plumbing/ cesspool issue is only temporary. After all, my ancestors (even my living grandparents) survived without indoor plumbing. I can too.
Enduring and overcoming these setbacks in life have proved that with God’s guidance, I am enough because I serve a more-than-enough God who helps me through it all!
