#YouAreEnough30 Blog Challenge: Days 19 & 20

Day 19: In Chapter Fourteen, I get “An Unexpected Apology.” Share a time when YOU got an unexpected apology from someone, and how it impacted your life.

November 19, 2018: In 2003, a year after my divorce, my grandparents discovered an envelope on the window of my old car (which they kept in their driveway after I sold it to them). The envelope had my name on it and when I opened it, I was surprised to discover that my ex-husband wrote me a letter of apology. I kept it for almost a year until I moved back to my hometown. Though I hardly remember what was in the letter, the apology he gave me regarding our failed marriage was a stepping stone toward my healing.

When I read the letter to some of my friends, they felt his apology was too late. I thought it was better late than never but unfortunately, I still held on to the hurt from the past. At least I knew he acknowledged his part in the failure of our relationship.

Now that it has been many years since the failure of our relationship and his unexpected apology that came a year too late (but better late than never), I can look back on this fondly. Without thinking much about it back then, a healing in my heart was taking place but not completely acknowledged. There was still a lot more healing to come.

Day 20: In Chapter Fifteen, I talk about losing someone precious to me, my grandmother. Talk about someone you’ve loved and lost, either to death or circumstance…and how loving them made you a better person.

November 20, 2018: My last relationship has made me a better person in ways I never thought possible. I had been with C for over a year before we realized we were better off as friends. This was the first relationship I had in 15 years. For many years after my divorce, I was afraid to love again. The trauma of the abuse in that relationship was too much for me to want to even try again at love. I felt safer having relationships in my mind because no one could hurt me again the way my ex-husband did.

Here's how loving and losing C made me a better person: I learned how to be friends with a man. I had someone other than myself to think about. I had someone to pray with every day. My faith increased as well as my self-confidence. I felt more comfortable to open up and give my testimony in Celebrate Recovery. I made more new friends and felt more comfortable around the opposite sex. I learned that I was not too old or too defective to fall in love again.

However, I did not fall in love with C the way that a woman generally falls in love with a man. I had a strong friendship with him which I did not realize until we broke up. I loved him, but as a friend more than a lover. This experience showed me that the end of a relationship does not mean it was a bad one. This relationship served its purpose: to help me to stop being afraid of the opposite sex and to show me I am capable of loving again.