#YouAreEnough30 Blog Challenge: Day 17

Day 17: Also in Chapter Twelve, I talk about how sunflowers are called sunflowers because they literally “turn toward the sun.” Talk about a time in your life when you turned toward the sun and chose the light when it would have been easier to settle for darkness.

November 17, 2018: As I get older and especially after that last rock bottom moment in 2010, I refuse to fall into darkness no matter how trying my struggles in life have been. I don’t ever want to go back to experiencing and almost entertaining suicidal thoughts. Though certain thoughts have come up throughout the years, I remind myself not to go there because feelings and circumstances are only temporary and cannot compare to the glory that will be revealed in me (Romans 8:18).

The passing of my father in May 2013 was a very trying time in my life and had it not been for my relationship with the Lord, I could have easily fallen into darkness. That was NOT an option for me because my mother needed me. Losing her husband of nearly 40 years was all she could take. No matter how heartbroken I felt after losing the most stable man in my life, I was not going to allow suicidal thoughts to enter my mind. I wanted to be there for the remaining parent in my life.

Without realizing it, this season was a turning toward the sun moment. No wonder sunflowers have always been my favorite flower. Turning toward darkness can feel comfortable, but to remain there is painful. That did not mean I avoided the hurt, but I had to face it and know that I would not always feel that way. I missed my dad and I still miss him, but I can live because I have so much to live for. I have accomplished much more than I could ever imagine thanks to choosing to turn toward the sun.