#YouAreEnough30 Day Challenge: Days 6-8
Here is three days tied up into one. So far I'm enjoying this blogging challenge that author Mandy Hale started.
Day 6: In Chapter Four, I [Mandy Hale] share my journey of “Looking for Love,” and how a dating app helped shake up my romantic life. Share your thoughts about online dating or an experience you had while doing online dating that made an impact on your life.
November 6, 2018: Dating sites never shook up my romantic life. I never had much success after a few phone conversations when I realized things would not work out for either party. I do have an interesting online dating experience, thought it was not at all a date. Some guy, whom I believed was a scammer or catfisher, contacted me via messaging and said he was interested in meeting me. He appeared too good to be true. For someone who claimed to have a bachelor’s degree, his spelling and punctuation were atrocious. Here’s what he wrote:
I’m searching for my life long partner to share a Great Life of Love with; romance, long slow kisses, feeling very special, intimacy, spirituality, pleasurable communication, dancing, meeting of the minds, opening a door for you, flowers, traveling and other exciting interests and adventures, A GREAT LIFE of LOVE!! I am one who strongly believes in respect and that without respect, you can’t experience true love and generate a healthy relationship... I believe in a smaller “wow” when it is first a friendship and then a larger “Wow” later as it evolves into a Beautiful Loving committed relationship... I believe it’s not just what you are like on the outside, but more about what you are like on the inside. I’m seeking friendship first, (no game playing please) with someone who appreciates some of the same temperaments and interests I enjoy..
I don't ask too much of a person, i like somebody who is honest, reliable, tender, likes to show his [I think he meant to say her, unless he was looking for a man] emotions, likes to communicate in the good or bad times, funny and romantic. i like to have a relation based on love, communication, care for each other and respect each other space, likes, dislikes... i want someone close to me........I don't like lies, no matter if the situation is bad i prefer to know the truth, i think that when people communicates in a mature way things can be solved....
Notice how he did not capitalize the “I” pronoun and capitalized words in the middle of his sentences? And get this: He claimed to be a 44-year-old widower from my home state! In his profile, he mentioned that he was an architect and posted a few pics of someone who looked like a 28-year-old male model with GQ looks. Way too good to be true. I figured he must have been a scammer from Nigeria who would eventually ask me to wire him some money. I reported this profile to the website’s admin suspecting this may be a scammer. No way was I going to message this guy who probably was not who he claimed to be. Had I been much younger, I would have probably been more naïve and fell for the guy until he started asking for money (which I would not have done in my naïve days anyway).
This experience made an impact on my life because I realized that I was more discerning than I gave myself credit for and not the naïve young woman I once was. I was also not desperate enough to respond because someone (whether real or not) showed interest.
Online dating showed me what type of men to weed out: Men who put their relationship status as separated, were not Christian, hardly put anything on their profile about themselves, had atrocious grammar (a third-grader could spell much better than some of these adult men), men who were almost old enough to be my father or too young for me, and if something seemed fishy about their profile, chances were that these men were fishy in person. After several attempts over the years of trying online dating, I officially quit in April 2017. Then a month later, I met someone in person and our relationship lasted a little over a year.
Day 7: In Chapter Five, I write a letter to a past version of myself to share with her the struggles she would soon face. Write a letter to a past version of yourself, at any time in your life, letting her know that whatever is up ahead for her, she is ENOUGH to handle it.
November 7, 2018
Here is a letter I would write to myself almost a year and a half earlier. At that time, I started getting to know the man who would eventually become my ex-fiance.
Dear Laura,
You have done well for yourself over the years. Please do not be afraid to take risks! You are almost 41 for crying out loud! Have an open mind when it comes to dating because I know you would like to get married someday. You have been single for 15 years now and haven’t had a relationship since. Just give C a chance and do not regret anything about this relationship. Go ahead and accept this growing friendship with him because you need to have some positive male friendships in your life. Yes, you will fall for him, but not in the way you may think. Just enjoy the ride and quit over analyzing this relationship. I will not tell you if he turns out to be the right one for you because you need to walk through this encounter. God will be with you the entire time because He will never leave you nor forsake you. This man will be kind and respectful to you. He is nothing like your ex-husband. This relationship will be a great one, but it won’t be perfect because there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.
Whatever choices you make will strengthen you especially when things don’t work out. Whatever happens (whether good or bad), you are more than enough to handle this because God is bigger than your problems. There will come a season (and there will be plenty of them) when you experience heartbreak. Because you have the Lord as your savior and you have been faithful to Him, you will finally realize that you are much stronger than you could ever imagine. Don’t look to your relationship with C to feel validated and enough, because God is more than enough and He is all you need.
If things don’t work out between you and C, do not give up on love. You are not some washed-up oldie that is ready to be put out to pasture. Love and romance can happen at any age and I believe you will find that because the Lord knows the desires of your heart. You have been a faithful servant for a long time and keep moving forward no matter how hard things may get.
Peace be with you,
Today’s Laura
Day 8: Also in Chapter Five, I talk about unanswered prayers and how they can often be the biggest blessings in disguise. Share an unanswered prayer of your own and how it helped you see that sometimes God’s “no” is the most gracious answer of all.
November 8, 2018: Five years ago, I put in a bid for a full-time job where I worked. I had been there part-time for almost five years and was hoping to move up. Dad had passed away several months earlier and I needed to keep busy. I no longer had him around to look after and I seemed to have too much time on my hands. Although I prayed for this job, I remembered to pray for God’s will to be done. Not an easy way to pray especially when you want your prayers to be answered your way. In an earlier blog post, I mentioned having to pray for God’s will to be done regarding my dad’s life and healing. I had come to a point in my life that praying for things to happen my way was just not effective. I have prayed for things in my life to happen a certain way, my way, and those prayers rarely got answered.
Well, praying for this full-time job opportunity was not something I was going to be demanding about to God. I expressed to God my desire (at least that’s what I thought it was) for this job, then I asked for His will to be done. Be careful of prayers where you say, “Have your way, God!”
I did not get the job for reasons I will not mention. I knew it was for the best, but I was upset for quite some time. In spite of the anger I felt for not getting this job I knew I was well qualified for, I moved forward in other areas of my life. Within a year of that “no” from God, I had self-published my first book, Pieces of Me, and started working on my bachelor’s degree in English Literature. If I had had that full-time job, I would not have had the time to write a book or focus on a two-year bachelor’s degree program. I still work part-time at this job and now, I have a second part-time job that I love as well.
