A Life Full of Idioms: Bite the Bullet and the Nature of the Beast

When I look at my life through idioms, the situations I’m dealing with don’t seem so horrible. Today’s idioms (Bite the Bullet and the Nature of the Beast) may sound like they belong in a war story. Well, if you consider doctor’s appointments and health issues to be like war stories, they could be. In the area of my health, I am trying to see the glass as half full (another idiom). However, I would like to get more liquid and fill the glass to the top.

It’s time for me to BITE THE BULLET and just make an appointment to see a neurologist for my migraines. I need to stop being in denial about how I’m feeling physically. The migraines, fatigue, and body aches (not the kind from working out) have been interfering with my life. I’ve had to call in sick to work three times in the last two months because the migraines have been so debilitating that I need to lay in bed with an ice pack on my head. With the fatigue and body aches, I have not been as productive as I’d like to be, though I make myself exercise at least once a day (sometimes twice a day when I’m feeling ambitious) and I force myself to perform necessary tasks like laundry and running errands.

Thanks to the NATURE OF THE BEAST, I have put off making a doctor’s appointment due to unpredictability such as:

What if it takes months before I can get an appointment?

Over five years ago, I had to wait six months to see a GI doctor. Throughout my life, I have dealt with digestive issues and at the time of making the appointment, I was in a lot of pain. Having to wait six months was unpleasant. Did this mean I had to put up with the pain this entire time? Maybe it was all in my head and I needed to pray more, then my stomach pains would disappear. Not long before my scheduled appointment, I had been feeling much better so I cancelled the appointment. Eventually the digestive issues returned so I made an appointment with another GI doctor. Luckily, I was able to get in within a month or two.

What if I get told that nothing is wrong with me and all I need to do is take vitamins, drink lots of water, and eat healthy?

Gosh, I do all of that already and I’m still not feeling much better. In the past, I have asked my primary care physician (PCP) to have me get blood work to test for possible autoimmune diseases like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) or Fibromyalgia. Over the last ten years, I have dealt with several symptoms that I know are related to CFS and Fibromyalgia. When the blood work came back normal, all my doctor told me to do was take more vitamins, drink lots of water, and eat healthy. As I said earlier, I already do that and I told her. Then she told me there was nothing wrong with me and to just live with whatever I’m dealing with.

What if it’s all just in my head and maybe if I worried less then I would feel better physically?

If I don’t think about the pain, then I’ll be fine. I can only do that for so long, because eventually, the pain creeps up. I’ll feel a headache coming out of nowhere or I will just feel so tired that I have to lay down. I’m trying to listen to my body and give it what it needs such as pain relievers and rest.

Could going to the doctor be a waste of time if I suddenly start feeling better (especially when stressful situations get resolved)?

In the past, after stressful situations were resolved, I did feel better physically. I don’t know when my fiancé and I will get a house and get married. Could it be that the uncertainty in my life is causing me to feel worse? The fatigue and body aches are not new. I’ve dealt with headaches since I was a teenager, but they’ve gotten worse over the past few months. Over a year and a half ago, I was rear ended in a hit-and-run car accident which caused the migraines. I went to the chiropractor for about three to four months. Eventually, those migraines disappeared. Now they're back, but I don't think they're related to the whiplash from the car accident. As for the fatigue and body aches, I feel worse. This month will be exactly one year since I had a partial thyroidectomy. Maybe the fatigue could be contributed to that.

What if the doctor says the pains is due to my age (I'm over 40) and I will just have to accept this constant fatigue and body aches as my new normal?

I do not want to accept fatigue and pain as my new normal. This is not the way to live. I want to have more energy and be more productive in life. I’m tired of coming home from work exhausted and spending a lot of time in bed. If I want to have children someday, I need to have energy to care for them.

Or maybe, I may have something wrong with me that could be diagnosed and treated?

For years I have suspected that I could be dealing with CFS or Fibromyalgia. When I explained the constant fatigue to my endocrinologist (who could not find anything wrong with my half thyroid or my adrenal glands), he told me CFS could be a possibility. Getting to the bottom of these issues will be great in the long wrong, but at the same time, I don’t want to hear that something could be wrong with me. Then, if the doctor cannot find anything wrong with me, I feel as though my health is an unsolved mystery.

As much as I hate going to the doctor, I am going to BITE THE BULLET and make that appointment. If I have to wait a few months to get in, that’s THE NATURE OF THE BEAST (it is what it is) and another lesson in patience.