From Now On My Business Will Be Mine Only
One of my character defects is feeling that I have to explain myself to everyone. Why? I honestly don’t know. What I do know is that trying to explain myself to others causes lots of anxiety and I get overwhelmed hearing all the differing opinions of others.
Lately, this seems to be the case. After having been single for over fifteen years, I recently got engaged to a wonderful man. We don’t have a wedding date set at the moment. When I tell people that, thankfully it has shut them up. I don’t want to hear suggestions on wedding planning and people demanding they be invited to our wedding. People have asked about a reception or bridal shower. Though there are no dates set, I will probably say, “If you want to have a party for us, then you can plan it because I do not plan parties.”
Another thing people have opinions about my life is children. When I was twenty (more than twenty years ago), I said I never wanted kids. Their response was, “Oh, you’ll change your mind someday.” After I turned thirty and was still single, I did change my mind about having children thanks to a biological clock. Their response was, “If you don’t find the right man or you get married later in life, you can always adopt” or “Don’t bother having children in this crazy world we live in.” There were a group of women from my Bible study who have prayed hard for God to bring me the right man in my life and that I would be able to have a biological child. I thought I wanted a biological child and when I met my fiancé, I thought as soon as we got married we should try for a baby immediately. Well, my mind has changed and we (mostly me) feel led to adopt. Adoption has always been on my heart so maybe that’s where God might lead us. Now I have people telling me, “Well, so and so is over forty and she’s pregnant” or “More and more women over forty are having babies.” Good for them, I think to myself. When I express my desire for adoption, some people will tell me, “Maybe you’ll end up pregnant after you adopt” or “Just let God make it happen.” Then I start feeling bad for not having the desire to get pregnant and preferring adoption. When someone tells me, “Adoption is a wonderful thing and a blessing,” then I feel encouraged. So, I am going to try to refrain from talking about my marriage plans and when or how we will have children.
There is nothing wrong with making plans about things because God’s Word says, “Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time; but at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it [remains], wait for it; Because it will surely come, it will not [remain]” (Habakkuk 2:2-3). This does not mean I must follow the plan accordingly. We can make our plans, but it is up to God to change them. I get so tired of people telling me not to make plans, but it is important to have a vision for the future. Proverbs 29:18 says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” My fiancé and I have a vision for our marriage and instead of feeling the need to explain myself, I am just going to let it be between us and God.
If anyone has an opinion on how we should have our wedding and wants to plan it or on when and how we should have children, mind your own business. We are not going to discuss these matters with most people. As I heard Pastor Rick Warren say, “Stop listening to people and start praying to God!” So, I am taking my concerns to God first.
