PTSD: I Survived, Now What?

Last week’s car accident had conjured up issues involving PTSD in the past. While I was (sometimes still) struggling with anxiety, anger, irrational thoughts, and panic, I temporarily forgot one very important thing: I survived. I survived an abusive marriage nearly fifteen years ago and I survived other car accidents, including the one from last week.

I feel convicted for not appreciating how grateful I am to be alive. During these last two weeks of feeling some pains (usually part of the aftermath of any auto accident), dealing with the sheriff’s department, and playing the waiting game with the insurance company and auto body shop, and switching rental cars, I sometimes found myself wishing I had not survived the wreck. I just hate going through difficult trials and felt very overwhelmed. I also dealt with the same thing after leaving an abusive marriage. While the divorce process only took about three months for me, I still had a lot of pieces to pick up over the years. My trust in men had been hard to get back, my self-esteem took a giant blow and I’ve spent years trying to recover, and most of all, I had been fearful of dating again. At times, I had wished I never married my ex and nursed other regrets which made living life unbearable some of the time.

As a longtime survivor of PTSD, I must remember to look on the bright side. I made it. So now what? I keep driving and I get out there and meet men. I take things one step at a time and try not to concern myself with the distant future. Right now, I am on the lookout for a newer, used vehicle that I can afford. Same with dating. I am on the lookout for a godly, Christian man around my age who I can be compatible with. Both will happen in the right time.