Holding on to the Past

After having gained a few pounds and not being able to fit into some of your old clothes, you tend to hold on to them because you are determined to lose the weight. Soon enough (depending on how much weight there is to lose), you believe you will fit into them again. You’ve had some of these clothes for at least five years. Whether you end up losing the weight or not, buy some new clothes.

The same goes for things of the past. Trying to rekindle magic (when the candle has long burned out) with a former flame or recapturing something new with someone you once knew from the past? While it’s great to reconnect with old friends, former coworkers, and classmates from long ago, stop looking for what was once familiar and broaden your horizons by meeting new people.

Wanting to recapture the magic of your youth? I tried to do that awhile back and held on to hope that someone I hardly knew from my past could be my present, and maybe even my future. While I’m grateful that I stepped out in faith and got to know this person a bit, it just was not meant to be. It just seemed like he was the only fish in the sea of single men in my small desert town. When there are not many single, age-appropriate Christian men to choose from, it can be easy and safe to pin personal hopes on to that one particular man (the first one I had noticed in a long time).

While I feel a bit angry with myself for allowing my mind and heart to live in a fantasy world, I have come to realize that it is time for me to toss out those unhealthy patterns of indulging in fantasizing about guys I don’t even have a relationship with. Maybe it was okay for me at one time in my life when I was not old enough to date. Since I went my entire teen years without being asked out by someone of interest, I just stuck to fantasizing about the object of my dreams because I could be whoever I wanted to be and he was who I wanted him to be. I figured that once I became an adult and there were more dating opportunities, I wouldn’t have to have fantasies because I could finally experience the real thing.

I did have an actual, reality-based relationship that lasted for three-and-a-half years (married for two-and-a-half of those years), but that did not stop me from fantasizing about what could have been in the past. Even though I had this real relationship, it was very unhealthy and a complete nightmare. After I ended that relationship, I subconsciously reverted back to fantasies. Sure I had several opportunities to date, but I did not like any of them for reasons I won’t go into details about. Due to that horrible, traumatizing experience in my only real relationship, I somehow felt that the real thing was not going to be good for me. After all, no one gets hurt in a fantasy. Just lonely because it’s one-side (just like masturbation, you’re the only one who gets screwed).

Well after nearly fifteen years of being single-again and almost zero dating experience to show for, I am determined with God’s help to get back out there and date again. At forty, with a ticking biological clock and the desire for marriage with a baby of my own, I need to try dating again. I cannot allow past disappointments to keep me locked up in a lonely prison of fantasies. It is time to get rid of what no longer fits or is holding you back from experiencing God’s best for you today and tomorrow. Here’s to new beginnings in 2017!