Dreams: Are they the right ones to pursue

Lately I've dealt with a recent rejection in my life and I have come to wonder if a rejection means the end to a dream because the dream did not come true. So is there always another chance to make that dream come true? If you keep getting rejected repeatedly does that mean this may be "your dream only" and God may want something else for you? Why do you have a specific dream and desire but no matter how hard you pray of how often you keep trying does this mean that

a) The timing is not right?

b) Give up and find a new dream?

c) This may not be what God wants for you?

d) Your motives and reasons for this dream to come true may be selfish?

e) Keep trying until the dream comes true?

As I have thought about my dreams and desires I realize that there is not one specific reason why the dream has not come true at that specific time.

A) The timing is not right. As for my hopes and desires of getting married and having a family, I've come to realize that God's timing is far different from mine. Just don't tell that to my ticking biological clock. Since marriage and family are desires that God puts into many hearts, I believe it will happen for me someday.

B) Give up and find a new dream or C) This dream may not be what God wants for you.

This following situation could probably apply to both these reasons why the dream did not come true. For several years, I had wanted to be a cosmetology instructor. In 2004, I left a job of three years with a regular clientele and moved back to my hometown because God told me to. My desire was to be back in my hometown with my parents and work at my beauty school's alma mater. While I waited for my instructor's license, I worked as the school's receptionist for six weeks at minimum wage and the owner did not offer health insurance. I hated the job because the owner was mean to me and the students, I did not like the way she ran the beauty school, and she did not help me prepare for my job as a future instructor so I quit.

I went back to doing hair in a local salon until the business shut down three months later. The company offered me a transfer to another town which I took. However, I was still determined to pursue a future as a cosmetology instructor despite the past disappointment. While I worked, I looked for instructor jobs in the state. One school I interviewed at did not offer health insurance. Another school seemed like a great place to work but I did not want to live in a large city again. One of the local schools where I applied either weren't hiring and/or did not offer health insurance. By that time I had found another salon that offered better health insurance and other benefits so I was content for the time being.

I just stopped looking for work as a cosmetology instructor but I still kept up my instructor's license by taking the required continuing education hours. I continued that until earlier this year when I decided that keeping up a license I probably would never use became a waste of time and travel for me.

I guess I gave up this dream because of the disappointments of not getting hoped for jobs and the lousy experience I had working at my hometown beauty school. Hearing the owner's constant criticisms probably did not help either. Over five years ago, I left the cosmetology business in pursuit of fulfilling another dream which has come true to some extent. So I don't know if this dream of becoming a cosmetology instructor was not really God's dream for me but my dream. I don't know if I intentionally gave up this dream because of several disappointments or maybe I realized the challenges of being an instructor were too much for me to handle. Maybe this career path did not suit my personality. What I learned from pursuing this dream is that I became more aware of what I could/could not handle and what I did/did not like doing.

Sometimes dreams may die, come alive for a season then lay dormant for awhile and come alive again.

D) Your motives and reasons for wanting this dream to come true may be selfish. In the past, I never thought that selfish desires could be a reason that some dreams have not come true. Two years after my divorce, I had the desire to marry and have a family. At 28, my biological clock started ticking and I felt it was time for me to find someone. I tried online dating several times throughout my years of being single again. I just never found success in it. People told me I needed to just give one person I found online a chance. Somehow I could never get past the first phone call or after several emails, I just could not bring myself to meet the person. It could have probably been fear or uncertainty about the guy's character that put me off from a first meeting. I was (still am) picky when it came to dating. After a bad first marriage, I did not want to make the same mistakes again and I wanted somebody whom I really liked and shared my Christian beliefs.

It took me almost a decade to realize that my motives for wanting a husband and family were selfish. I wanted to feel valuable because the world does not seem to value single people and feel desirable to the opposite sex. I wanted to have a kid or two because I wanted someone to call me "Mommy" and most people my age have children. I did not want to go through my later years in life without someone (husband and/or children) by my side.

So after praying for almost a decade for God to bring me a husband, I decided over a year ago to stop praying that prayer. I sensed that God got tired of hearing that prayer and He was still at work on me and my future spouse. I'm not saying that God is not going to bring me my future husband when I've got myself perfectly together. I just don't want to be a huge mess when I meet him and there are still past issues I want to work through.

E) Keep trying until the dream comes true. I think that if you really want a dream to come true and you know that God has put that dream in your heart, keep trying. Don't give up on that dream. There may be a season when the dream is dormant. After the recent passing of my father, my desire for children has lessened. I'm not sure why. Maybe after having helped my mother in taking care of my dad, I'm just not in the mood to take care of another human right now.

Just recently I got turned down for a full-time position at work. This is the second time in two years that I have been turned down for that job. It may not exactly be my dream job but it's at a place where I enjoy working. As a full-time employee I would get benefits but I have to remember that right now I have health insurance through my state. I can always put in another bid when the position opens again.

Maybe this was not the right time for me to have this job because I still need time to grieve the loss of my dad. Not having what I really wanted (or maybe what I believed I wanted) is God's way of having me work on another dream: become a published writer.

Stay tuned for my next blog about dreams.